I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
