Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
