now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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