Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
