I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
