i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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