Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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