I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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