I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
