Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
