No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
