Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
