Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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