so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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