i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
