The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
