So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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