That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
