We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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