You just made me feel so damn special
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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