You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
