And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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