I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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