I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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