Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
