I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
