I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
