my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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