haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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