i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
