Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
