Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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