If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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