the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
