no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
