I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh god it's open bar.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
