I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
