Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
