Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
