My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The best revenge is premature balding
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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