all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
