she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
