Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
