walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
