some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm passing your future prison.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
