But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
