Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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