I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
