when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
