you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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