Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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