this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
