i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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