Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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