I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
