We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
