Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
