If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
