how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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