dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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