meet me or not, i'm out of control
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
