1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
