So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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