So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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