I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
