My balls are so social today.
sarcasm needs its own font
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
